February 2010
33 posts
mesmerized
i’m mesmerized by Justin Nozuka’s voice i’m listening to songs that will be on his new album woo can’t wait!
13 tags
need a new dentist/ortho?
if you live in LAS VEGAS/in town i HIGHLY recommend…
Dr. JOHN RHONNEL DOMINGO (dentist) here’s his website: www.qualitydentalsmile.net address: Quality Dental Smile 2670 South Jones Blvd. Las Vegas , NV 89146 phone: (702) 880-9527 he does everything from cleaning, sealants, root canals, extractions to...
despite last night...
today was a good day! YOU AINT GON TIE ME DOWN. EVER! rawrrrrrrrr.
6 tags
my first official cover. good girls go bad...
7 tags
against all odds
"Against All Odds"
by Paula Sales
We had wooden floors in the house. When someone would walk we could hear the steps and know the pace of the person. It was early morning, around 3 AM. I was sound asleep but I eventually was half awake because my grandfather kept walking in and out of my room. He kept getting my phone and going to their room. My grandparents slept in the room adjacent to mine. I eventually gave up trying to go to sleep so I stayed awake but kept my eyes closed so that I could figure out what was going on.
I heard continuous beeps coming from my phone. I knew my grandpa was trying to reach someone. I finally heard him speak and he said, "Lucille, Lola cannot babysit today. she's not feeling well. Please call me back."
I sighed with relief and even told myself, "Oh, Lola is just not feeling well." My muscles relaxed and I went back to sleep. After a few minutes, I was startled by the sound of the garage door opening.
Mom was home. Her heels clicked. The clicking sound became more frequent. She was increasing her speed. She ran up the stairs and dashed into my grandparents' room. Immediately, I heard sobbing.
My muscles contracted and I had a heavy feeling in my chest but I continued to pretend I was asleep. I heard three loud beeps. They called 911. After about 10 minutes, paramedics filled the house. I did not actually see them but based on what they were saying, I knew who they were. My mom did not stop crying.
I did not hear a word from my grandpa.He was probably in shock. I still pretended to be asleep. I did not want to open my eyes. I was in denial. I did not want to wake up to realzie this nightmare was not made up. I too was in shock like my grandpa.
My mom went to my room, still sobbing but then I heard my grandpa tell her, "Don't wake her up."
My mom's crying continued but eventually all the sound transferred to the lower level of the house and the house gradually became silent. When there was complete silence, I knew I was alone. I knew that they were all at the hospital. I knew that my grandma could possibly be dead. It all sank in finally and I started to scream and cry into my pillow.
All the sounds that I made were muffled by the pillow. I continued to cry while that morning kept replaying in my head. I actually fell asleep and I realized this because my mom woke me up. When she woke me up, I had hope in my heart that it was all a dream but as soon as I opened my eyes I saw nothing but pain in my mom's face. Her eyes were swollen and her eyeliner streaked from the rims of her eyes.
She probably knew I cried because my eyes too were swollen so she restrained herself from crying when she said, "Lola's at the hospital." I too restrained myself from crying because I knew that seeing me sad would cause her more pain.
After brushing my teeth and changing into the first clothes I saw in my closet, we left for the hospital. In entering the hospital, all I saw was white and people in scrubs with clipboards going to different rooms. When we were close to my grandma's room at the ICU, all I felt and saw was pain and sadness.
Everyone was crying while gripping a rosary in their right hand. My grandpa however was the only one not crying. He knew he had to be strong. I looked at his eyes though and they no longer had joy behind them.
I kept pushing myself to not cry but when I saw Lola I broke down. Her eyes were closed but her curly black hair was pulled away from her face by a black headband. She had so many wires and tubes hooked up to her and she was not responding to any of us. She was unconscious and machine-dependent. I broke down and all my relatives gathered around me and comforted me.
My grandpa made me sit down. He was the first to tell me what exactly happenned to her. He told me she had a brain hemorrhage. His news was followed by advice. He told me to be strong and pray.
When he left, I started praying. My crying started again and did not stop because I had flashbacks of her caring for me eversince I was little. I saw her as my other mother. She raised me when my parents had difficulty making ends meet. It seemed like, the heavy feeling inside got worse as memories with her and of her made themselves more and more available. I continued to pray. We needed God's help. We needed it now.
We all stayed at the ICU. It's as if our world was put on pause. Our relatives from other countries also called in crying but assured us they'll be offering mass for her. We needed everyone to pray. We needed God's grace.
After 3 days, I started to lose hope after I heard the various doctors' advice to my family. They all suggested pulling the plug because it was hopeless. No operation can help her condition. The bleeding was too severe and in areas too difficult to operate around. Everyone expressed their opinion on what we should do but my grandpa decided to leave it to God and NOT pull the plug.
The next day, my grandpa made me go back to school because he said that is what my grandma would want. I was a mess at school. People tried to talk to me but I told them I did not want to talk about it. I isolated myself and did all my work as fast as I could so that I could go back to the hospital right away.
When I returned to the hospital, the doctors told me that she had some facial expressions but the bleeding was getting worse. She still could not open her eyes or move any of her body parts. My little cousin was there and he was singing to her "You'll Be In My Heart" by Phil Collins to her.
I left the room immediately after seeing pain in my grandma's face while he sang to her. She looked like she was crying but she was incapable of producing tears or sound. I stayed outside and cried till I was tired. My grandpa sat next to me and told me that the doctors were telling him to pull the plug so that she does not suffer anymore. He told me that he still believes that her life should be in God's hands. I looked at his face, expecting to see to see strength but he was crying as he said the words, "If it's her time to go, it's her time to go and we all have to accept that."
I continued to go to school and all my relatives resumed going back to work. We had to try to move on but we still saw each other at the hospital everyday. We were slowly accepting the possibility that it may be her time. We continued to pray though and hope for her recovery. Even if the doctors tried to convince us to pull the plug, we stuck by my grandpa's decision.
On the morning of November 11th, I was at my aunt's house and we received a phone call from my grandfather. I hesitated to answer and my heart felt like it stopped beating because I was expecting the worse. I picked up the phone and asked, "Is everything okay?"
My grandpa said, you're grandma wke up today! I cried. We all cried but this time, these were tears of joy. We rushed to the hospital and the atmosphere was completely diferent. Everyone was so happy. The doctors were in shock. They could not wrap their brains around the event at hand. All the blood in her brain disappeared!
My grandpa beamed. He told me, "Paula, can you imagine? She woke up on the day of our anniversary!" I saw tears filling his eyes but this time, his tears were accomponied with a smile that reached his ears. I ran to my grandma. I kissed and hugged her. I was saying over and over in my head, "Thank you God."
Those events changed me forever. I grew up while learning many things. It made me value all the time I have with people I love. It made me realize how fragile life really is. I learned that family is extremely important and it is an excellent support system. Most of all, my grandma waking up when all the doctors told her it was hopeless, made me believe in miracles. Due to my grandma, I never doubted the existence and possibilities of miracles occurring.
7 tags
confusion
"Confusion Leads to Understanding"
by Paula Sales
Confusion is what I am feeling right now. Though the objective is clear, I feel confusion for I do not know if I can define an emotion. You may be thinking"Impossible! Everyone has emotions so anyone can define an emotion."
True, I may have emotions but sometimes I do not think I have enough experience to define any emotion. Moreover, I question whether I have any emotions that are not catalyzed or brought out by others or external stimuli. I know myself better than anyone else and I know that my emotions mimic the emotions of people around me or are greatly affected by the environment. However, I do feel confusion more often than I feel any other emotion.
Confusion is experienced by everyone. It is even experienced even by those who have the high IQ. It is experienced by leaders who constantly assure us that they know what they are doing. It is experienced by infants who still are trying to figure out how to effectively communicate his needs. It is experienced by teachers who do not know why a student does not value his or her education while children in other countries do not even dream about such privilege . It experienced by high school graduates who are filling out their college applications. It is experienced by the boy who is doing all he can for the girl he loves and even hinting yet the girl still places him in the 'friend zone.'
More over, as we continue to age and learn, we continue to have the tendency to be confused. For example, in school, we learn but we do not feel like we are learning because we are confused. We are confused because all the information is new and sometimes even foreign. We should not let any new knowledge overwhelm us. Instead, we should fear not being confused. If nothing confuses us, then we are in our comfort zone and we are not pushing ourselves to our full potential. We are then allowing our minds to settle and be dormant. We resort to merely living and no longer existing.
Confusion is what helps us grow. Sure, curiosity may have killed the cat but the curiosity is what tested the cat's character. That cat was brave and hungered for understanding. I do not know about you but I definitely have more respect for the brave cat who risked his life just for the sake of knowledge then the cat who is still alive because it played it safe.
Confusion may not be a pleasant feeling but it has pleasant effects if we make an effort to reduce that confusion. No one likes the feeling of not knowing enough so why choose to be forever labeled as one of those who does not know enough. Am I saying, is it possible to know everything? Definitely not! However, it is possible to reduce the probability of you feeling incompetent if you are successful with getting rid of your previous feeling of confusion.
In my opinion, I think this unsettling feeling of confusion is experienced until we die and depending on what your beliefs are, maybe even in your 'after-life' you'll be confused. I think it is an inevitable feeling and we should blame ourselves for this feeling. Numerous aspects of society are subjective. Our values differ between families. The values themselves could also be interpreted in different ways. All the systems that we belong eventually clash at some point in our life and we cannot help but feel confused. We then find ourselves in dilemmas. Questions fill our minds. Should I protect myself first or should I do what is right and protect others? Should I believe something is true or acceptable though my religion says otherwise? Who should I believe? Is anyone or any system right?
No one will ever know who is right and who is wrong. If ever that were to occur, that individual must know everyone and everything. They must know not just their name but their histories, feelings and is able to sympathize with all of them. That individual must know their thoughts, thoughts that they may not even verbally express and even thoughts can be suppressed, nonetheless, that individual must know it all. No one being, except a higher power, will know and understand everything.
So, next time you are getting frustrated because you do not understand remember that being confused is normal. Being able to be confused can even be seen as a human trait. The feeling of confusion should not have negative connotation because the more confused you are the more information you were probably exposed to. One should see every confusion as an opportunity to learn more and better oneself. You may forever be confused and never know everything but at least you are unconsciously forming and broadening your own and unique perspective. Initially, I was confused. I was confused with emotions and even stated that I mimic emotions.
I made the effort to attempt to define an emotion and did not let my own confusion overwhelm me. I did not let it keep from completing the task at hand. Whether I was successful or not in defining the emotion in my own way, I definitely learned. I learned that I did have enough experience to define an emotion somehow. I also learned that I am capable of possessing an emotion with or without the presence of another person's emotion. Hence, I broadened my own perspective and further developed my understanding through this incidence of confusion.
talk with the person who calls me lover :))
person: what u up to loverrrrrrrrr me: i missed you calling me lover haha it’s been since high school? person: yah i dont call anyone else that..so you’re special! LOL me: awwwwwwh i feel special..you should feel special coz you’re the only one i’ll allow to call me lover person: yah yah soon some guy will sweep you off your feet and call you lover heeheheeh me:doubtful...
unforgettable
today will forever be in my memory. two crazy exams in one day. first exam. RIDICULOUS. second exam. TEDIOUS.
lesson learned..never EVERRRRRRRR ever underestimating an exam EVER again didn’t go to one class so that i could go to mass though. God is good! ALL THE TIME! i survived. YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. :D
5 tags
my love-hate relationship
i hate the feeling before i see you. i hate the need to prepare before i see you. i hate the nights when i do not sleep well because of you. i hate the days that i can’t enjoy because of you. i hate feeling that i do not know enough. i hate feeling of being incompetent. BUT that feeling after seeing you.. it’s one of the BEST feelings in the world.
i am no longer anxious. i no...
wisdom's irony
me: dont think of all the what ifs coz youre going to go crazy. i know you two are perfect for each other
me: just coz two people arent perfect doesnt mean theyre not perfect for each other
friend: thats true :)
me: hmmm i also think its better when
me: one has a strength and the other lacks it
me: because
me: in being together
me: you make each other better
me: so the more
me: youll work at staying together
me: thats why i guess ppl say
me: 'he/she brings out the best in me'
me: n i think thats what he's trying to get at
me: as long as you both are headed in the right direction
me: it doesnt matter
me: where one starts
friend: that's true :)
friend: he's so deep now
friend: not that he wasnt before
me: youre finding a way to put him on a pedestal to support your stupid theory that you dont deserve him :P
me: you cant assume! even if lets say all the arrows point to something you still cant assumes coz i think we all the tendency to analyze things in accordance with our perspective or what we believe in
me: it is not happening right now..it's not even about to happen so many things can happen
even in a year! its rare that things go according to plan (if it even happens...)
me: and if you use up your energy now worrying bout what ifs or your future plans/goals, you yourself might jeopardize your future plans..not coz of anyone else
me: you have to really deal with NOW! itll be hard but you know what..pray! find your strength in your faith and if you arent finding it there then youre not trusting God with His plans for u...You may have plans, your parents may have plans for you but the plan that actually executes and matters is HIS plan. It's His plan that is and will be your reality.
reflection(after): ironic isn't it? it's so easy to give advice but to take it is a different story. where are these words when i needed them..and since they weren't available to me..where did they come from? Logic? Experiences? i'm thankful however that they were exposed to me in some way even if it called for a friend who needed me..so next time someone needs help...HELP THEM. It may turn out to be MORE of a learning experience for you than the person who needed the help in the first place. You might learn more about yourself or even better...find the answers you were looking for :)
it's already Saturday...
it’s super early morning. nope i haven’t slept yet. comforted a friend my sister that i shouldve had whose 9302930294835938593 miles away from me. after moving so many times, i don’t think distance is hindrance to my relationships anymore..however, I will admit that i do use it as an excuse to lose relationships which i do not feel are worth trying to maintain and sustain....
re-watching
it’s almost midnight and before i dive into studying for my mental illnesses/disorders exam and statistics exam…i will re-watch grey’s anatomy. i was not completely focused yesterday.
oh and my aunt lorna bought me shoes out of the blue. she said it’s a late birthday gift. that’s what i love about family…they sense when you need them.
day two - morning
woke up early to study for the midterm. read over my study guide once haha. my brother signed on..what do you expect? LESS THAN 2 months till we’re together again. We are planning out the food places we’ll be eating in as I type this. I uber miss him. hmm..I also found out my cousin will be going to the hospital later. he has a high fever. I hope it’s nothing serious :(...
BE HAITI's Valentine
10 ways to help (source USNEWS.com)
1. The Red Cross is getting the word out about its text-message donation system. Text “HAITI” to the number 90999 to donate $10, which will be added to your next cellphone bill. You can also donate through the Red Cross website.
2. Hospitals in Haiti are badly damaged and overwhelmed. To help medical aid workers, donate to Doctors Without...
“Everyday we get to give the gift of life, it can be painful, it can be...”
– Meredith, Grey’s Anatomy
“Number one rule of surgery is limit exposure. Keep your hands clean, your...”
– Meredith, Grey’s Anatomy
“In surgery, the healing process begins with a cut, an incision, the tearing of...”
– Meredith, Grey’s Anatomy
“You are lucky if you miss someone. You had someone special in your life that was...”
– Nathan, OTH
“People want to hear the songs with the words that they’re too afraid to...”
– Miranda, OTH
the beginning
TUMBLR, I will try to visit you every day. There are too many things I find interesting and experiences that I SHOULD save somewhere. :D
FIRST day of my tumblr adventure. why not start...